she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
