absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
