I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
