Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
we're so committed to being not committed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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