My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
