Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
