last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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