omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
