i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
