you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
