I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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