He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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