You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
