the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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