Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't turn off my feet"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
