I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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