this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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