sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
