I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
