You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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