I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
