so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.