Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes