i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.