In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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