you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
