Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
