3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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