: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
