Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize