I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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