Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
