I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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