Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
