wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
