I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Someone came in the potted fern
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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