So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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