I wish I only lived at night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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