Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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