I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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