if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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