i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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