I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
