Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
