she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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