her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you inspire me to be a worse person
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize