he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
