so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
