He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
