Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
