if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
