Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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