Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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