so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
