dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
