Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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