It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
