I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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