It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
