Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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