I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
