It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
